I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
