im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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