Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
