you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
