so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
