I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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