MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
