Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
