He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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