things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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