jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
