I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
