I hate all girls vehemently.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
