Can Purell be used as lube?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
