I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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