I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
