Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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