and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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