I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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