be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
