My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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