Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
