guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
