just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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