Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize