Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
