Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
