well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
