I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
