was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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