She tied me up with her honor cords...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
