I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
