i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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