just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
