i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
