omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
