Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
