she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
