do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
