Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
