he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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