the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it glows. i had to have it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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