I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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