I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
