FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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