her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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