Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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