yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
