The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
