3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize