as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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