I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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