Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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