2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
