Don't make out with my wife yet
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
