I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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