I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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