So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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