Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
