hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
