Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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