omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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