I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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