She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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