we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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