i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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